On Complicated Grief

Complicated grief occurs when normal grief and loss processes appear to become ‘stuck’ and the symptoms continue unresolved for months and perhaps years.  Mental health experts are still analyzing how complicated grief symptoms differ from those of normal grief or other bereavement reactions.  During the first few months after a loss, many signs and symptoms of normal grief are the same as those of complicated grief.  However, while normal grief symptoms gradually start to fade, those of complicated grief get worse or linger.  Complicated grief is like being in a chronic, heightened state of mourning.

Signs and symptoms of complicated grief can include:

• Extreme focus on the loss and reminders of the loved one
• Intense longing or pining for the deceased
• Problems accepting the death
• Numbness or detachment
• Preoccupation with your sorrow
• Bitterness about your loss
• Inability to enjoy life and difficulty moving on with life.
• Depression or deep sadness
• Trouble carrying out normal routines
• Withdrawing from social activities
• Feeling that life holds no meaning or purpose
• Irritability or agitation
• Lack of trust in others

When to see a doctor:  It’s normal to experience grief after a significant loss. Most people who experience normal or uncomplicated grief can move forward eventually with support from family and friends. But if it’s been several months or more since your loss and your emotions remain so intense or debilitating that you have trouble going about your normal routine, talk to your health care provider.

Specifically, you may benefit from professional help if you:

• Can focus on little else but your loved one’s death
• Have persistent pining or longing for the deceased person
• Have thoughts of guilt or self-blame
• Believe that you did something wrong or could have prevented the death
• Feel as if life isn’t worth living or have lost your sense of purpose in life
• Wish you had died along with your loved one

People with complicated grief may consider suicide.  If you’re considering suicide, reach out to someone as soon as possible.  The best choice is to call 911 or your local emergency services number.